Going REALLY Antimainstream- My Facebook Exodus

I've learned it is one thing to use cloth diapers, or herbal medicine, or even to not vaccinate. Those things go against the norm, but it's pretty easy to find those with like-minds. But, for quite a while now I have felt God convicting me about my time on Facebook. I want to start by saying I am NOT using this blog as a way to browbeat people into doing what I've decided to do. I believe there is freedom in Christ, and most anything is allowed as long as it does not become one's Master. I know people who cannot handle alcohol because it becomes a Master. I can handle alcohol, and thus I drink it in moderation (actually, very very rarely due to Audrey still nursing and being on seizure meds). But Facebook was becoming a large, ugly monster of an addiction, and as much as I tried to be on Facebook in "moderation"...I found it was running my life, in more ways than just taking my time. I suspect I'm not the ONLY one that has had this experience so I'm writing to share our journey to going probably the most anti-mainstream one can go in modern America-- getting off of Facebook for good. And also to explain to people why I left. I promise, it's not because I don't love you all anymore!

For a while i have noticed that Facebook had the ability to suck one's time: Facebook being banned at jobs because people weren't doing what they were paid for.

And I also saw other cases of parents ignoring their children because they're on Facebook. Or the more extreme cases of the mother who killed her child because he was interrupting her Farmville game. But, I never thought any of this applied to me. Back when I had an (out of the home) job, I got my work done, and I certainly have never abused my children over Facebook. But it opened my eyes to the nasty monster Facebook can grow into. Then a little over a year ago, I read an article in Relevant magazine that talks about our unconscious use of technology. Not that technology is bad, but that it too often rules us, instead of us ruling it. It's a good article. You should check it out.

At least for me, big changes don't come easily. So a lot of this ruminated quite a while before I was really able and willing to do something about it. Several times i did "facebook fasts" and even though I got more done, was happier, spent more time talking to God instead of constantly updating my status over the tiniest thing, and spent more time with my kids and husband, I felt almost an "obligation" to jump right back on to Facebook the very moment the three days of fasting were up. Like I had to "catch up" on all I had missed.

I began doing some serious soul searching. The obvious big issue was that I spent too much time on Facebook; and being at home with no one but my kids to keep me accountable, I did NOT do a good job of keeping my time spent on Facebook to an appropriate amount. I found it WAS eating into my available time to be productive, and it WAS affecting my time I could've spent playing with my kids.

I often tried to justify my time on Facebook because 1) I was either helping someone who had questions with something. People with colicky babies or breastfeeding problems or health issues they thought might be linked with food allergies that they thought I could help with. Or people with questions about their babies who were recently diagnosed with epilepsy. Or theology questions. and 2) I was learning new things that would help my family. Researching new ways to treat Audrey's epilepsy, or finding easy ways to do more things naturally, etc through some of the Facebook groups i was in. I also used Facebook as my primary way to keep people updated on Audrey. And while those are all good reasons, if they take up hours of my day each day, something has to change. I looked at the women in my life that I really respected how they lived their lives and raised their kids...and the majority of them spent very little time with the TV or social media whatsoever. They were too busy living their lives.

I asked myself why I couldn't get control of my time on Facebook, and i learned what my addictions were: addictions to acceptance, and addictions to information. Anything that happened in my life, i wrote in status updates, waiting for someone to comment on it, and suddenly feeling a high because of it. Or feeling anxiety if I wrote something even slightly against the norm or controversial that someone would get upset by it and then would not "accept" me. I've always struggled with my unhealthy desire for acceptance, but Facebook just fed the problem because there was instant access to basically everyone I knew. I'm also a research nerd and love learning new things. That's a good thing. I think the day you stop learning is the day you start to die, and I think my questioning and analytical nature has served my family well, particularly with Audrey's health. But, wisdom is more important than knowledge, and I think wisdom comes in using my time and talents well. I just don't think that Facebook is the best use of my time and talents, even when I'm helping someone else out.

Another thing I found that suffered is that my life was lived by the status update. I used to be an avid journal user. I have journals clear back into high school, and i have saved them all. It is awesome to be able to look back through them and see how I've grown and changed and to be reminded of moments in my life I had forgotten. A lot of my prayer time was used through my journal. But since I've gotten on Facebook, I've shared every single aspect of my life with everyone I know, yet keeping none of it for myself to look back on. And in the moments when I share something slightly private and forget how many mere "acquaintances" i have on Facebook, i then feel anxiety that I've been so open with people I'd never be so open with in real life. Yes, i know Facebook has evolved so that you can post so only certain groups can read it, but not everyone fits into one neat "group" in my life, and it just gets too complicated. And yes, I know you can download your status updates with various methods, but have you seen how many pages that is to print off? And I don't really care to save ALL of my statuses.

And, here's probably the biggest reason and biggest revelation I had in getting off Facebook. On the one hand, it seems as though Facebook would encourage connection and community. After all, it is so easy to keep in touch with people that otherwise you'd see once a year at best. When I went to Tanzania for the summer, I had to rely on emails that were sent and received once a day via dial up....now the missionaries in Tanzania i know, are on Facebook. And i can easily chat with my sister in law who lives in Canada, when I can't afford to call her because of international cell phone charges. Anyone I ever want to talk to is just a click away. On the other hand...

In the "real" world...the flesh and bones non facebook world...there are certain ways of communicating that human beings have learned to use to be able to have normal social relationships. We realize that we communicate differently with different people. We don't talk about the same things with our girlfriends as we do with our grandmother (usually), or with our college professor, or our aunt, or brother in law. However, on facebook, (unless you have all your friends broken down really tediously into LOTS of different groups), statuses become akin to going into a large room of people and screaming out to everyone every single thought that comes into your head...things you might share with one individual but certainly not in a large group. Everything from religion and theology to politics to even more controversial things...mothering styles!...Suddenly everyone knows everything that is going on in my life, every thought i'm thinking, every belief i hold. Yes, they only know WHAT i put on there, but it is way too easy to post something, only thinking of the poeple that regularly respond to what you write, forgetting all those who may read what you write, but not respond to post regularly. The "silent" folks in the room....but they still have "ears".

I had to question...are we MEANT to have everyone know everything about us, and everything we think, and every belief we hold? Honestly, after a lot of prayer and contemplation, I just don't think so. Jesus once said,

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6

(No I don't think any of you are dogs.)

But the point is made. Some things are sacred. Some things should be private. Some things should be left between me and God, me and my children, me and my husband...there are some things that only Trevor should have...not just my body...but also parts of my heart. And there are some things that others just won't appreciate, and if you share it, they will turn and attack you. This happens ALL too often on facebook over parenting, religion, and politics. The big no no's you don't discuss in polite company.

And speaking of people attacking you over your beliefs...I think I have *tried* to not jump on people every time they post something I disagree with. That doesn't always happen. let's face it, i'm a Clark, and I'm opinionated and loud mouthed. But I TRY to not be too argumentative or nasty about it. There's a lot of things i just let go. If you're going to be mature and be on Facebook at all, to some degree you have to. But even if i let things go, and even if my friends or family think I'm nuts but don't post it....it still hurts relationships.

It seems there is something inherently unhealthy about knowing someone's every thought and belief without connecting with a face, a soul, a person created in the image of God. It's much easier to hate someone you don't have to look at. This lightbulb moment hit me REALLY hard this Thanksgiving when I went to California to visit my family. I realized that, I think, Facebook had hurt my relationship between me and some people in my family that I love. We do some things differently, and those differences stand out like a sore thumb on Facebook in status updates and such. But in real life, when we are together, we get along great, we enjoy each others' company, we have an awesome time. I see that they love God, love each other, love their kids, and they all love me and my family. All the rest are just details in my book. I don't want my views or my feelings about those in my life to be hurt because of all the "details" that get accentuated on Facebook. I would rather only speak to someone a few times a year or in emails, and have a good relationship with them, than speak to them daily but harbor resentment and anxiety over stupid things. Life is too short for that nonsense.

So, there ya have it. Since Thanksgiving, I've been basically off of Facebook. I haven't closed my account because I have loads of information on there saved in my messages or notes or photos that will take a lot of time to get off and loaded somewhere else. Also, I'll admit I do sometimes get on if i urgently need to talk to someone that I know will be on Facebook, but they didn't answer their phone or I don't have their number. But I've decided not to comment on anyone's ANYTHING on facebook, as a discipline for myself to not get "hooked" back in, and to longer post links to articles I find interesting, no matter what it is. Trevor and I got a joint account that we will occasionally post status updates specifically about MAJOR things going on in our family, or usually a link to what i write on our family blog. But for all practical purposes, I've left the Facebook world.

I've started journaling again instead of "status updating", but in short bits since as a mom of young kids, my journaling time is limited. I've decided to make one like this. It will be neat to look through after a few years' worth of "real world status updates" as i see it. And because I wasn't so busy on Facebook I actually got Christmas cards out this year...on time! Early even! And what to do with my desire to share what I've learned about natural health, babies, birth, God? I am starting my certification to become a Christian childbirth and early parenting educator. I'm pretty stoked about it. I am also considering being a local TSC Connect Volunteer through the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance. I definitely want to pass on what I've learned along the way...I just want a real face to be behind it all.

Again, I want to reiterate--I don't think Facebook is evil. I don't think you're wrong or anything if you're on Facebook. Maybe you're just more disciplined than I am. And I certainly miss the regular connection i have with some of you through Facebook. But I have to admit, the last few weeks has been extremely refreshing for me, and I'm glad to have finally broken an addiction that had ruled my life for too long, and i have no intention of going back. I do hope you all will keep in touch through email or telephone, and for those of you on Pinterest, I'm occasionally on there too. but because you can't as easily "communicate" through it...just share cute ideas...it's not nearly as addicting for me.

I hope this message doesn't offend those who use Facebook properly, but I hope it gets some people thinking who might have the same problems I did... Blessings to you all.

Merry Christmas!