Going REALLY Antimainstream- My Facebook Exodus

I've learned it is one thing to use cloth diapers, or herbal medicine, or even to not vaccinate. Those things go against the norm, but it's pretty easy to find those with like-minds. But, for quite a while now I have felt God convicting me about my time on Facebook. I want to start by saying I am NOT using this blog as a way to browbeat people into doing what I've decided to do. I believe there is freedom in Christ, and most anything is allowed as long as it does not become one's Master. I know people who cannot handle alcohol because it becomes a Master. I can handle alcohol, and thus I drink it in moderation (actually, very very rarely due to Audrey still nursing and being on seizure meds). But Facebook was becoming a large, ugly monster of an addiction, and as much as I tried to be on Facebook in "moderation"...I found it was running my life, in more ways than just taking my time. I suspect I'm not the ONLY one that has had this experience so I'm writing to share our journey to going probably the most anti-mainstream one can go in modern America-- getting off of Facebook for good. And also to explain to people why I left. I promise, it's not because I don't love you all anymore!

For a while i have noticed that Facebook had the ability to suck one's time: Facebook being banned at jobs because people weren't doing what they were paid for.

And I also saw other cases of parents ignoring their children because they're on Facebook. Or the more extreme cases of the mother who killed her child because he was interrupting her Farmville game. But, I never thought any of this applied to me. Back when I had an (out of the home) job, I got my work done, and I certainly have never abused my children over Facebook. But it opened my eyes to the nasty monster Facebook can grow into. Then a little over a year ago, I read an article in Relevant magazine that talks about our unconscious use of technology. Not that technology is bad, but that it too often rules us, instead of us ruling it. It's a good article. You should check it out.

At least for me, big changes don't come easily. So a lot of this ruminated quite a while before I was really able and willing to do something about it. Several times i did "facebook fasts" and even though I got more done, was happier, spent more time talking to God instead of constantly updating my status over the tiniest thing, and spent more time with my kids and husband, I felt almost an "obligation" to jump right back on to Facebook the very moment the three days of fasting were up. Like I had to "catch up" on all I had missed.

I began doing some serious soul searching. The obvious big issue was that I spent too much time on Facebook; and being at home with no one but my kids to keep me accountable, I did NOT do a good job of keeping my time spent on Facebook to an appropriate amount. I found it WAS eating into my available time to be productive, and it WAS affecting my time I could've spent playing with my kids.

I often tried to justify my time on Facebook because 1) I was either helping someone who had questions with something. People with colicky babies or breastfeeding problems or health issues they thought might be linked with food allergies that they thought I could help with. Or people with questions about their babies who were recently diagnosed with epilepsy. Or theology questions. and 2) I was learning new things that would help my family. Researching new ways to treat Audrey's epilepsy, or finding easy ways to do more things naturally, etc through some of the Facebook groups i was in. I also used Facebook as my primary way to keep people updated on Audrey. And while those are all good reasons, if they take up hours of my day each day, something has to change. I looked at the women in my life that I really respected how they lived their lives and raised their kids...and the majority of them spent very little time with the TV or social media whatsoever. They were too busy living their lives.

I asked myself why I couldn't get control of my time on Facebook, and i learned what my addictions were: addictions to acceptance, and addictions to information. Anything that happened in my life, i wrote in status updates, waiting for someone to comment on it, and suddenly feeling a high because of it. Or feeling anxiety if I wrote something even slightly against the norm or controversial that someone would get upset by it and then would not "accept" me. I've always struggled with my unhealthy desire for acceptance, but Facebook just fed the problem because there was instant access to basically everyone I knew. I'm also a research nerd and love learning new things. That's a good thing. I think the day you stop learning is the day you start to die, and I think my questioning and analytical nature has served my family well, particularly with Audrey's health. But, wisdom is more important than knowledge, and I think wisdom comes in using my time and talents well. I just don't think that Facebook is the best use of my time and talents, even when I'm helping someone else out.

Another thing I found that suffered is that my life was lived by the status update. I used to be an avid journal user. I have journals clear back into high school, and i have saved them all. It is awesome to be able to look back through them and see how I've grown and changed and to be reminded of moments in my life I had forgotten. A lot of my prayer time was used through my journal. But since I've gotten on Facebook, I've shared every single aspect of my life with everyone I know, yet keeping none of it for myself to look back on. And in the moments when I share something slightly private and forget how many mere "acquaintances" i have on Facebook, i then feel anxiety that I've been so open with people I'd never be so open with in real life. Yes, i know Facebook has evolved so that you can post so only certain groups can read it, but not everyone fits into one neat "group" in my life, and it just gets too complicated. And yes, I know you can download your status updates with various methods, but have you seen how many pages that is to print off? And I don't really care to save ALL of my statuses.

And, here's probably the biggest reason and biggest revelation I had in getting off Facebook. On the one hand, it seems as though Facebook would encourage connection and community. After all, it is so easy to keep in touch with people that otherwise you'd see once a year at best. When I went to Tanzania for the summer, I had to rely on emails that were sent and received once a day via dial up....now the missionaries in Tanzania i know, are on Facebook. And i can easily chat with my sister in law who lives in Canada, when I can't afford to call her because of international cell phone charges. Anyone I ever want to talk to is just a click away. On the other hand...

In the "real" world...the flesh and bones non facebook world...there are certain ways of communicating that human beings have learned to use to be able to have normal social relationships. We realize that we communicate differently with different people. We don't talk about the same things with our girlfriends as we do with our grandmother (usually), or with our college professor, or our aunt, or brother in law. However, on facebook, (unless you have all your friends broken down really tediously into LOTS of different groups), statuses become akin to going into a large room of people and screaming out to everyone every single thought that comes into your head...things you might share with one individual but certainly not in a large group. Everything from religion and theology to politics to even more controversial things...mothering styles!...Suddenly everyone knows everything that is going on in my life, every thought i'm thinking, every belief i hold. Yes, they only know WHAT i put on there, but it is way too easy to post something, only thinking of the poeple that regularly respond to what you write, forgetting all those who may read what you write, but not respond to post regularly. The "silent" folks in the room....but they still have "ears".

I had to question...are we MEANT to have everyone know everything about us, and everything we think, and every belief we hold? Honestly, after a lot of prayer and contemplation, I just don't think so. Jesus once said,

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6

(No I don't think any of you are dogs.)

But the point is made. Some things are sacred. Some things should be private. Some things should be left between me and God, me and my children, me and my husband...there are some things that only Trevor should have...not just my body...but also parts of my heart. And there are some things that others just won't appreciate, and if you share it, they will turn and attack you. This happens ALL too often on facebook over parenting, religion, and politics. The big no no's you don't discuss in polite company.

And speaking of people attacking you over your beliefs...I think I have *tried* to not jump on people every time they post something I disagree with. That doesn't always happen. let's face it, i'm a Clark, and I'm opinionated and loud mouthed. But I TRY to not be too argumentative or nasty about it. There's a lot of things i just let go. If you're going to be mature and be on Facebook at all, to some degree you have to. But even if i let things go, and even if my friends or family think I'm nuts but don't post it....it still hurts relationships.

It seems there is something inherently unhealthy about knowing someone's every thought and belief without connecting with a face, a soul, a person created in the image of God. It's much easier to hate someone you don't have to look at. This lightbulb moment hit me REALLY hard this Thanksgiving when I went to California to visit my family. I realized that, I think, Facebook had hurt my relationship between me and some people in my family that I love. We do some things differently, and those differences stand out like a sore thumb on Facebook in status updates and such. But in real life, when we are together, we get along great, we enjoy each others' company, we have an awesome time. I see that they love God, love each other, love their kids, and they all love me and my family. All the rest are just details in my book. I don't want my views or my feelings about those in my life to be hurt because of all the "details" that get accentuated on Facebook. I would rather only speak to someone a few times a year or in emails, and have a good relationship with them, than speak to them daily but harbor resentment and anxiety over stupid things. Life is too short for that nonsense.

So, there ya have it. Since Thanksgiving, I've been basically off of Facebook. I haven't closed my account because I have loads of information on there saved in my messages or notes or photos that will take a lot of time to get off and loaded somewhere else. Also, I'll admit I do sometimes get on if i urgently need to talk to someone that I know will be on Facebook, but they didn't answer their phone or I don't have their number. But I've decided not to comment on anyone's ANYTHING on facebook, as a discipline for myself to not get "hooked" back in, and to longer post links to articles I find interesting, no matter what it is. Trevor and I got a joint account that we will occasionally post status updates specifically about MAJOR things going on in our family, or usually a link to what i write on our family blog. But for all practical purposes, I've left the Facebook world.

I've started journaling again instead of "status updating", but in short bits since as a mom of young kids, my journaling time is limited. I've decided to make one like this. It will be neat to look through after a few years' worth of "real world status updates" as i see it. And because I wasn't so busy on Facebook I actually got Christmas cards out this year...on time! Early even! And what to do with my desire to share what I've learned about natural health, babies, birth, God? I am starting my certification to become a Christian childbirth and early parenting educator. I'm pretty stoked about it. I am also considering being a local TSC Connect Volunteer through the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance. I definitely want to pass on what I've learned along the way...I just want a real face to be behind it all.

Again, I want to reiterate--I don't think Facebook is evil. I don't think you're wrong or anything if you're on Facebook. Maybe you're just more disciplined than I am. And I certainly miss the regular connection i have with some of you through Facebook. But I have to admit, the last few weeks has been extremely refreshing for me, and I'm glad to have finally broken an addiction that had ruled my life for too long, and i have no intention of going back. I do hope you all will keep in touch through email or telephone, and for those of you on Pinterest, I'm occasionally on there too. but because you can't as easily "communicate" through it...just share cute ideas...it's not nearly as addicting for me.

I hope this message doesn't offend those who use Facebook properly, but I hope it gets some people thinking who might have the same problems I did... Blessings to you all.

Merry Christmas!

Let food be thy medicine...

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. " Hippocrates, 431 B.C.

Some of the wisest words outside Scripture, in my humble opinion, and some that America would do well to heed. And in honor of those words I thought I'd share with you all one of my favorite snacks, which also happens to be one of the healthiest foods you can eat.

Kale Chips.

I know, it sounds weird. Most people don't have any idea how to fix kale, or have no desire because it sounds gross. But kale is an awesome super food, and eating it gave me all sorts of energy with my pregnancy with Audrey. Ridiculously high in Vitamin K, Vitamin C, good dose of iron... a massive dose of dietary fiber. I won't go into all the nitty gritty. You can easily figure that out on google. But trust me, it is good stuff. And regarding flavor, these kale chips are awesome.

First, you'll want to buy one or two big bunches of kale. It shrinks down a LOT in the oven. If you have more than few people who will be munching on these, get more than one bunch.

Cut off the stalks, and tear up the leaves (leaving the tough stalks behind) like so....

Then, once you have them torn up into snack size pieces, put them in a colander, and then in a larger bowl and rinse with a mixture of vinegar and water (water alone won't cut it). Kale is one of the "dirty dozen" types of produce that has the most pesticides on it. Vinegar will get the pesticides off, but water alone won't.

Then lay the kale out on a paper towel and pat it dry.

Next, arrange the kale on an oiled baking sheet.
Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with whatever type of seasoning you prefer. I like it with seasoned salt (without MSG, of course), but we were out of it this time so I used garlic salt and onion powder. A friend said she put cumin on hers. Experiment! Put them in the oven on 350 for 5-10 minutes. Keep a close eye on them because once they start to burn they quickly disintegrate.

Et voila! See how much they shrink up? When they're done they should be green (not black) but very crisp, like a potato chip. If they are chewy at all like a leaf would be, they're not fully done.

Enjoy :-D

My Top 3 Magic Fix-All, Cure-All, Clean-All Products!

Yesterday, while rubbing coconut oil over my face (yes, I rubbed oil on my face, and in fact I have naturally oily skin. More on that in a minute), I realized that over the last few years in my effort to do things more "naturally", I keep coming back to a few choice products that seem to have as many uses as duct tape. So I thought I would share my "secrets" with you all. First, a few of my reasons for ditching traditional cleaners, cosmetics, and over the counter meds.

1) They're expensive. Even with coupons and shopping at Walmart, seriously, the cost of Pantene, Tide, Mr Clean...it gets a bit ridiculous. And I'm cheap. And with the economy the way it is, who wouldn't want to save a few (or a LOT) of bucks?

2) They're toxic. This is where the tree-hugger part of me comes out. We have an epidemic of chronic illnesses in America today. The whole tired line of "I used this and I turned out fine" doesn't hold water anymore. Because we're not fine. According to the President's Cancer Panel's report that was published in 2010, 41% of Americans will get cancer at sometime in their life. And then there's the epidemic of autoimmune diseases including eczema, allergies, rosacea, Hashimoto's (thyroid) disease, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, lupus, celiac disease... I suppose this issue hits a little closer to home for me, since I watched my father fight an autoimmune disease for ten years that ultimately took his life. Is using my floor cleaner going to kill me? Is using traditional cosmetics automatically going to give me cancer? No. But our bodies are so bombarded on a daily basis with toxic carcinogenic chemicals in what we breathe, what we put in and on our bodies, and the radiation in all the technology we use, that at some point, the body says enough is enough. The human body is extremely resilient, but we're not invincible. I'm not OCD about it, but if I can change a few simple things in the way I do my day to day chores to cut down on the chemicals i expose myself and my kids to, why not?

3) Often times, they work better than traditional methods. Yes, you read that right. Just because something is "natural" doesn't mean it isn't extremely potent.

And now, for my top three must-have's for the natural mom's household:
baking soda, vinegar, and coconut oil.

To be honest, there are so many uses for these three items that they cannot be contained in a blog post. I will not reinvent the wheel, but will rather link you to some awesome lists. Take some time and look them over. Then I'll share personally how I use them on a regular basis.

Baking Soda Uses

White Vinegar Uses

Apple Cider Vinegar Uses

Coconut Oil Uses

Ok, so now I'm assuming you've at least looked at the links so I don't have to spend the time explaining why these cheap, easily accessible grocery products are so miraculous and versatile. Instead, I will spend the rest of this blog post sharing my personal experiences.

A little box just won't do, with all the uses it has!

First, baking soda. Obviously like most Americans, we keep an open box in the fridge. And why? Baking soda does a great job of neutralizing the stinkies. (Remember that when i get to the bit on deodorant). I also use baking soda occasionally for brushing my teeth, though since oil pulling I don't feel the need to brush as often...more on that in a minute too. But the two most common uses I have for baking soda, besides baking, is using it as a facial scrub, and using it to go shampoo free. What I love best about baking soda is that it cleanses my face mildly, but also is just the right consistency to make a great facial scrub. Gritty enough to get off the dead skin, and fine enough to get down into the pores and get rid of blackheads.Just don't get it in your eyes. It hurts.

On going shampoo free, or " 'poo free" as it is called among those who know about it, I could really spend an entire blog post just on this. So I will link you to someone else who has. Ok, i'm lazy. Going Shampoo Free. I haven't used shampoo or conditioner on my hair in months, and my hair has never been healthier. And growing up my hair was the thickest, oiliest greasepit you've ever seen if I didn't wash it every day. For me, the biggest plus of going poo free is that I never realized that my entire life, my extremely bad dandruff (I actually had SCABS on my scalp nearly all the time) was not "just the way I am"...but was my body screaming out in protest. The only time my scalp is totally clear and clean and nonscabby and nonflaky and happy and calm is when I go poo free. I have very straight thick hair, but I have also heard that going poo free is the first time for many of my curly haired friends that their hair has not been a frizz ball when they go au naturale. No more need for product! Just soft, nice, non fizzy curls. I kid you not! I use the baking soda and vinegar mix as described in the above link, about every six days. On the other days I just use water. Seriously. Before going 'poo free, my hair was a greasepit on day 2.

Next, Vinegar. I use baking soda and vinegar combined to clean a lot of things around the house: scrub counter tops, vinegar for the mirrors, etc. And before you freak about the smell, vinegar smell goes away about ten seconds after you spray it on something (basically, once it evaporates). And, as described above, I also use apple cider vinegar in conjunction with baking soda to keep my hair clean and shiny. (The baking soda is the cleanser part, the ACV is the conditioner part). Apple Cider Vinegar is also good at killing all sorts of bugs, from bacteria to yeast to fungal infections. You can dilute it in warm water and drink it to kill various pathogens, especially in cold and flu season. Many people add in some lemon and honey as well to the mix. I also use vinegar in the laundry as a fabric softener occasionally. When I finally get around to my several posts on cloth diapering, I'll explain why we don't use traditional fabric softener. 

And finally, the almighty coconut oil. I'll be honest. I'm developing a love affair with the stuff. If you've not discovered coconut oil yet, seriously, go get some. Now. Ok, um...where to start? Well, first, coconut oil is a great oil for cooking with. If you want the "coconut" flavor you can get unrefined, or for a neutral flavor, get the refined kind. Both work well. It is a *healthy* saturated fat, and unlike olive oil, it can be cooked at much higher heat.  Coconut oil gives an awesome consistency to baked goods too because at room temperature (below 75 degrees) it is a solid, without all the health bother of being hydrogenated.

Next, coconut oil is full of lauric acid and caprylic acid, both of which are great at killing just about any kind of bug you need to be rid of. Antiviral, antibacterial, and very strongly antifungal. And this is where the awesome cosmetic and medicinal properties come in.

Coconut oil is the only thing I use for diaper rash. It is very easily absorbed into the skin and is very moisturizing, but it also will get rid of a yeast rash faster than prescription strength Nystatin. If you have any sort of yeast problem on the skin, please do not waste your time and hassle with gentian violet, tea tree oil, or Nystatin. Gentian violet stains, tea tree oil is extremely harsh on the skin and stinks to high heaven, and Nystatin, despite being prescription strength just doesn't work all that quickly compared with coconut oil. The reason I have so much experience with this is because when my daughter was 4 months old, she had to go on a very strong medicine that lowers the immune system. She got horribly red yeast rashes in the fat folds of her neck. We were given Rx strength Nystatin, but in order for it to work i had to put it on like, five times a day. With coconut oil, I put it on once a day, and the yeast never returned. And this was with a highly diminished immune system. In a healthy child, one days' worth would be all that was needed. For thrush, just apply it to the mom, let baby nurse it off, and you both are treated...without staining your bras purple in the process.

Second, I use coconut oil combined with baking soda for deoderant. Now, this is not an antipersperant...antipersperants are not healthy for numerous reasons. Here's my take on antipersperants. Here in Las Vegas, the sweat evaporates before it is a problem anyway, especially if you're not wearing 100% polyester. In places with humidity like Houston, where I went to college, your whole body will be sweating by 8 am anyway, so what good does it do to have dry pits? So ditch the antiperspirant and just focus on smelling nice. And let me tell you. I have struggled with finding a good deoderant all my life. Even clinical strength degree doesn't do the job for me all the time. But coconut oil, besides being moisturizing and soothing to freshly shaven armpits, kills odor causing bacteria, so you don't stink in the first place, but if you do, the baking soda neutralizes the odor. I can apply it after a shower on Monday, and NOT shower on Tuesday and NOT reapply, and still not stink on Tuesday night. Amazing.There are numerous "recipes" online, but i've found that rubbing the two combined over my arm pits causes rashes (because of the abrasiveness of the baking soda) so instead i rub in the coconut oil and pat on the baking soda.

Third, oil pulling. Weird name, but pretty simple, and even more powerful. Oil pulling is basically the act of swishing oil around in your mouth long enough for your body to release enough enzymes and saliva that it metabolizes/breaks down the oil, and in the process draws impurities out of the body through the gums, since the blood vessels are so close to the surface in the gums. You can google oil pulling and the many things they've claimed to cure. I don't know whether or not all those things are true, but what I can say is that I was having tooth pain, and it is now gone, and my gingivitis is 90% better in just a week or two of practicing oil pulling once a day. Also, my mouth feels so clean afterwards that I don't even feel the need to brush my teeth (I do, just not twice a day anymore, and my teeth have never felt cleaner). Further, doing oil pulling with coconut oil adds the antibacterial benefits of the oil itself while you are swishing. And without the burn of Listerine! Dreading the dentist or don't have the money to get that tooth filled? Try oil pulling. 1 Tbs of coconut oil in the mouth for ten minutes a day (I do it while i take a shower), and just see if you don't notice a difference.

And last, I have struggled with acne most of my life. I've tried all sorts of products, and everything either dries my skin out or clogs my pores or I'm oily again 2 hours later. But since rubbing coconut oil on my face (a TEENSY amount) after washing it with baking soda each morning, my skin has never felt better. Baking soda cleanses and sloughs off dead skin/cleans pores. Coconut oil moisturizes and kills acne-causing bacteria. Also, because of the chemical make up of coconut oil, it is readily absorbed into the skin and does not clog pores. I've just started this regimen this week admittedly, so i can't speak to the long term results, but so far so good. Give it a few weeks and I"ll probably show before and after pics.

As for buying these items, I recommend buying in bulk. You'll only continue to find more and more ways to use it as time goes on, thus cutting down on your grocery and cosmetics bill, and cutting down on the toxins in your body and the environment, etc so the few extra bucks for the large jug or big bag are well worth it. Currently I use Spectrum Refined Coconut Oil but i'm considering trying other brands just so i can get it in a bigger jar. I'm running out of the Spectrum pretty darn quick these days.

And if you try any of these "recipes"...or have your own...please share in the comments! 

Carrier reviews after four years of babywearing

Try to remember back to when you were in your mother's womb. Can't remember? Me either, so let's imagine. It's dark, it's warm, your needs are always immediately met, you can hear your mother's heartbeat always. You are regularly rocked to sleep when she walks. You have never known a moment where you were not intimately connected with your mother. Nine months later, fairly abruptly you enter a bright, cold, dry, loud world. You're not only immediately separated from your home, but your food, your comfort, your bed... No wonder so many babies in America cry so much! Wouldn't you?

Women (and more recently, men) throughout human history have found any number of ways to wear their babies. It has only been in the last couple hundred years, especially among the elite, that we've gotten away from this trend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not *against* strollers or baby swings, but these devices have created a huge wedge in western societies between moms and babies. There are plenty of scientific studies showing the negative effects of not being in close contact with baby throughout the day. Babies in orphanages, for instance, who spend all day in a crib, tend to not meet developmental milestones as they should.  Studies are also showing the healing effects of skin to skin contact for premature infants. (I intended to link to an article here but there are too many to list! Google "skin to skin contact in infants" and see the plethora of information available.) Others are literally brought back from the dead! But, to be honest, I did not start my journey in babywearing because it was scientifically the best thing for my children. I did it because it makes my life easy. And I don't like listening to crying babies. Or whiny toddlers. And i can't sit in a rocking chair all day. I babywear for the same reason I do so many of the "anti mainstream" things I do in my parenting. It's easier.

My first experience with babywearing was in Tanzania in 2001. I was 18 and we visited an orphanage on my summer internship there. All of my photo albums are currently in storage, but someday I'll post a photo of my first time wearing a baby. The picture is forever ingrained in my memory. An old woman about half my height pushing on my back so I would bend over, as she quickly flung a chubby beautiful baby boy on my back. She threw the Kanga over him and tied it in a knot above my chest and told me to stand up. I was scared. I thought surely he would fall out and on to the ground. He did not. He did, however, spend the rest of that afternoon on my back and we both loved every minute of it. I never heard a peep out of him.

In the last few years, I've had numerous moms ask me about what's the "best" baby carrier. That question is nearly impossible to answer, because the "best" carrier is different for different people and different sized babies. But, I have tried numerous kinds out there so I will share what I've learned about each one.

WRAPS

The first carrier I owned was a stretchy knit wrap-style carrier. The most popular brand in the U.S. is Moby. It is a very long stretchy piece of material that is wrapped around the mother and the baby together. This is a favorite carrier with a lot of people because it is literally like "hugging" your baby. It is versatile; you can have your baby in it in any number of holds, and you can also nurse your baby in it discreetly (as you can in other carriers as well). This is also a carrier that you can have young infant twins in at the same time. I had mixed feelings about my stretchy wrap. First, when you're out and about, it can be a hassle to wrap the wrap around you to put baby in it when you're in the parking lot or in a store. But because it is stretchy, you can take baby in and out of it without having to unwrap. Theoretically you could wear it like a shirt, and take baby in and out as need be. I liked that it distributed the weight all over, since I have scoliosis and a bad back. I hardly felt like I was wearing him at all. Another downside is that at the time we lived in Las Vegas, and these carriers can really hold in the heat. If we went outside even for a moment, my newborn son and I were both drenched in sweat when using this carrier. Others in more temperate climates may not have this problem. Another downside for us, is that because they were stretchy, once he hit around 12 or 13 lbs, he began to sag and i had to keep readjusting the carrier or he'd be down at my belly button. Admittedly, I didn't have a MobyWrap brand carrier; mine was an Infantino, and I think the material may have been thinner/less sturdy than the Moby, but I have heard of similar complaints from others with the Moby.

However, if you like the idea of a wrap carrier but are worried about the weight issue or the heat issue, a woven wrap may be your answer. Wraps originated in Germany, and woven wraps are the traditional carrier from that region. Didymos is one of the more common woven wrap carriers. These do not stretch, so even 30 pound toddlers can easily be worn in them. However, they are a thick woven fabric and would probably still be hot in warmer climates. A gauze wrap then may suit you better. Gauze wraps are VERY easy to make, and fairly inexpensive to buy. Because so many layers are wrapped around, they are very safe and sturdy too, but the material is far more breathable. I have worn my 30 pound daughter on my back in a gauze wrap in Las Vegas triple digit temperatures, and it has worked well for us. Excuse the awful photo. *Note- while you can do a back carry as seen in this photo with a woven, nonstretchy wrap, most people do not recommend it with a Moby since the material is stretchy and an older child may be able to push against you and do a "back bend" right out of the carrier and onto the floor!

RING SLING

When I became frustrated with the wrap carrier (heat/weight issues), I tried a ring sling. This is a photo of my son and me at a friend's wedding. I danced with my son for the first time that day, with him in the sling. He was three months old and I think around 16 lbs. This one was made by a mom in my town, and I have made my own. I have never bought one from a large manufacturer but one of the most common ones is MayaWrap slings. Ring slings when worn properly are great for many reasons. There's not a ton of fabric so they don't get too hot. They are perhaps the easiest carrier to nurse your baby in, and when they're in the cradle position, no one can even tell you're doing so. A sling is quick and easy to take on and off, and small enough to easily fit in a diaper bag. I remember pulling out the ring sling when my second was a baby and wearing her while eating at restaurants. I would very slightly rock in my seat with her in the sling, and she stayed asleep through all of dinner without a peep, and I had my hands free. Slings are cheaper than some other options, especially if you buy one from a work-at-home-mom (WAHM), and they are extremely cheap and easy to make yourself. However, if you make one, make sure to buy a sturdy, quality sling ring. I recommend buying from Slingrings.com. Here is a good tutorial on making your own sling.

The sling has some drawbacks too. For one thing, all of the weight is carried on one shoulder. When babies are small, you hardly notice this if they are worn properly. However, the heavier they get, the more strain to the back. With my scoliosis, it became uncomfortable to wear my baby in a sling for extended periods once he hit twenty pounds. For some that have smaller babies, that can mean using a ring sling for quite a while...maybe even a few years. But for us, it meant finding a new carrier when he was around six months old. Also, you are somewhat limited on what type of carries you can do in a sling. For instance, you cannot carry a child on your back in a ring sling. You can however carry baby on your front facing in, facing out, cradle, and hip carry. I am carrying my son in the sling with him facing in.

POUCH SLINGS

Pouch slings are somewhat similar to ring slings, only they are not adjustable. They are sized to the person, and usually have a wee bit of stretch (but not much). Many of the same pros and cons of ring slings apply to pouch slings. For some reason though I have found that the pouch sling is extremely comfortable for hip carrying a toddler, whereas for some reason I could never get it right in a ring sling. With a toddler who wants up/down fifty times a day, our pouch sling is my new best friend. Also easily hid away in a diaper bag, and also easily taken on and off. But because it does not need to be adjusted, it is even easier to get baby in and out of. Most pouch slings have a weight limit of forty pounds. The sling in this photo is from Seven Everyday Slings. This company regularly has coupons for a free sling plus shipping. You can usually google to find the most recent coupon codes. Two of the most common pouch style carriers are HotSlings and Peanut Shell.

MEI TAI

Mei tai, also known as an Asian Baby Carrier, originates from China. There are other types of asian carriers used in other areas of the continent, like Onbuhimo's in Japan and Podaegi's in Korea. However, among asian style carriers, mei tais have received the most popularity in the States. Mei tais, while one of the most expensive styles of carriers, is perhaps one of my favorites, for several reasons. First, you can easily use a mei tai from birth through the toddler years (and perhaps even preschool years if your child is smaller). You can wear baby on your front when they are smaller, or on your back for bigger babies or kids. It distributes the weight evenly over your entire back and hips so you can wear them for longer periods of time before it gets uncomfortable, even when they get to be heavier. It is not as hot as a woven wrap or Moby in my experience because there is less material. And unlike some other carriers that have a bit of a learning curve (more on that at the bottom), the mei tai is fairly easy to figure out for a newbie. Below are some photos of me wearing my children in a mei tai, at various ages and stages.


Babyhawk back carry



1 month old

My favorite mei tai, and also one of the more popular brands, is BabyHawk. For one, they are extremely well made. The top straps are padded at the shoulders (which is really nice, trust me). It is sturdy without being too bulky. Also you can custom design your own from hundreds of different prints. Also (and i think this is a great option) for a bit more money you can order it to be reversible with different prints on each side. I have often had people ask me about carriers that are "dad friendly" (meaning they're not covered in pink paisley and lace, and easy to figure out). But most women don't want to walk around wearing their baby in a bulky manly camo colored carrier all the time. The mei tai is not too bulky, but not too girly in its structure, and with the reversible prints you can have one side with flowers or whatever your heart fancies, and another side with "guy" print...whatever that may be. Skulls, camo, airplanes, whatever. Also the design of BabyHawk mei tais is such that it holds up the head of a newborn well because the top is so structured and extends up higher. Some mei tais this is not the case. And just because they're so dern pretty, for mei tais made by work at home moms, I really like the hand dyed and patchwork mei tais made by my friend over at Query Eve.


SOFT STRUCTURED CARRIER

A soft structured carrier is much like a mei tai, but with buckles on the straps instead having to tie them. These are probably the most expensive carriers, but because of how user friendly they are for newbies, they have really taken off in popularity. Some common brands are Beco, BabyHawk Oh Snap!, and ERGObaby. Personally I can only speak about the ERGO as it is the only one of this style that I have tried. With any of these carriers, if you are able to try them on in person in the store, I highly recommend it. I got the ERGO when my son was about six months old...when the sling was beginning to hurt my shoulder from the weight.



Being worn by grandma!



 I loved how well it distributed the weight. Again, in many ways much like the mei tai. A few things I liked about my ERGO, in addition to all the things it shares in common with the mei tai: there is a pocket in the front, which was a nice place to put my wallet or keys or other small items (or my hands when it was really cold out). There is a hood that folds away, and the hood snaps onto the shoulder straps when it is being used. This was invaluable to me on multiple occasions, once baby fell asleep to keep his head from flopping. It also kept the sun out of his eyes. As for the head flopping, this would not happen in a BabyHawk Oh Snap! because of the extended top portion of the carrier, same as in their mei tai. 

The negatives, in my opinion, of the ERGO or SSC's in general: A downside of both mei tais and SSC's is that they are not as easy to fit in a diaper bag. This is even more the case with an SSC than with a mei tai because there is more padding around the waist/more bulk. Secondly, at least with the ERGO, the bottom strap is such that is creates a "muffin top" on me when i do a back carry...and I'm not even overweight. Definitely my least favorite thing about the ERGO. I suppose if you're extremely thin and have no hips whatsoever, this may not be an issue, but for me it was. I'm 5'6" and 140 lbs, so pretty average I think. One more downside is that while you can technically use an SSC from birth, they tend to need an extra insert (which you have to buy separately) to make it work for a child under 13 lbs.

One slight difference between mei tais and SSC's that I have noticed-- not really a positive or negative necessarily, just different: Both distribute the weight over the entire back, however I have noticed that mei tais tend to put more of the weight on the shoulders, while SSC's tend to put slightly more weight on the hips. This is a VERY slight difference though, but if you have bad hips, or bad shoulders, that might make the difference for you.

SAFETY FIRST

And lastly, a few comments about safe babywearing technique. Recently there have been stories in the news about babies suffocating when being worn in slings. This should not deter you from babywearing. There is a right and wrong way to do most things. One of the unfortunate downsides to babywearing starting to regain in popularity in the west, is that there are a plethora of baby carrier options in the marketplace but few people who can teach new mothers how to properly wear their babies. Some carriers, for instance, are not designed for newborns. Without the infant insert, a newborn could slip out the side of an ERGO carrier. In a sling if a child is not positioned properly, they could in essence be bent in half in a cradle position and not be able to breathe well. Also, numerous companies have hopped on the babywearing bandwagon. Some do so without understanding what is safe and best for your child. Some designs are not ergonomically designed for a baby's wellbeing. Babywearing experts and chiropractors alike, for instance, do not recommend "crotch danglers" like the Baby Bjorn. They are bad on the baby's back. Try to buy carriers from companies that SPECIALIZE in baby carriers. If you buy from a work at home mom, check out the quality, look for customer feedback, and see if she uses the carriers with her own kids. Work at home moms tend to put a lot of effort into making high quality carriers because they use the same thing with their own children. And if possible, take a babywearing class. Most natural parenting stores offer them for free, as do many birth centers and midwives' offices. Also many work at home moms who make carriers will teach you in person how to properly wear their carriers if you live nearby. If you don't have any of these options near you, the maker of your particular carrier will usually have photo and video instructions on their website. The Babywearer.com is another excellent website/forum with everything you'd ever want to know about carriers, babywearing safety, tutorials on different types of carriers (front, back, hip, etc)

There is far more I could say about babywearing, but hopefully this will give you a starting place. Feel free to continue the conversation in the comments below, or head on over to The Babywearer.com for more reviews, tutorials, patterns, etc.

Well, here I go...

My husband has been bugging me for several years now to start a Mommy blog. In the past, I've always declined. There are plenty of such blogs already in existence. What more could I offer that's not already on the web? And yet, over the years, I find I keep getting asked the same questions over and over and over by all sorts of people--usually new moms. These questions often have to do with things that are outside the mainstream; things they won't learn from the pediatrician, or maybe even their mother. I've found that moms are starting to question the status quo in parenting, and more and more are finding that getting back to the basics...a more primitive, intuitive, natural parenting style is where they're being drawn. Maybe for health reasons, maybe for philosophical reasons, maybe for environmental reasons...or maybe what they've been doing just isn't working.

I've only been a mom for four years. I certainly don't see myself as some sort of expert, and I've got a long way to go. But, for those that know me, I'm extremely analytical. I'm the grown-up version of the three year old in the back seat of the car asking "Why?" "Why is the grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to eat my peas?" Because of this almost obsession at getting to the heart of things, I've  found myself becoming extremely anti-mainstream in my parenting as I continue to ask "Why?" I didn't grow up with hippie parents, and I have never lived on a commune (though I secretly think I might enjoy it). From the looks of things I'm your typical American white girl from the suburbs...who has, over time, started living life in some ways that may seem really odd at face value. But, it's because it has worked for us, and so I'm going to, over time, share what I've learned with all of you.

I'll be posting about our journey in breastfeeding, nutrition, natural healing, cloth diapering, babywearing, homebirth, homeschooling, and various other topics that I regularly get asked about. My hope is that I'll be able to open up new options to moms that make life *easier* (because natural parenting is in many ways much easier than conventional American parenting), and to family and friends that know me, perhaps it will give some insight into why I do the crazy things I do...like have an unassisted birth...and breastfeed my 2 year old...and never use shampoo or typical deoderant/antiperspirant (ever).... (wait, you didn't know that last one? It IS possible to ditch the Pantene and Degree and be clean and not stink!)

My goal is not to be "different" for different's sake. I'm not naturally rebellious and I hate confrontation. I do what makes sense to me. Maybe it will make sense to you too after reading.  And, for my next blog I'll start with a fairly innocuous topic: babywearing.